Home!

I don't recommend traveling sick.

I was up before 4 AM yesterday and today to catch airplanes. Hanging out in either over air conditioned buildings or humid walkways and taxi cabs. That really bites.

I arrived in Panama City last night at the hotel by 8 PM. My friend was staying at the hotel for some business so I was greeted by him leaning over the restaurant balcony and waving. That was nice.

I sat on the balcony with him. It was hot and humid and I had a fever, sweating and trying to be civil. I didn't do a very good job. I went off to bed at 9 PM.

Finally, I arrived home at 9 this morning. The dogs went nuts. I was grateful to be home!

I don't think I physically feel any better but I am so much more comfortable at home.

I am having trouble adjusting to the humidity. I'm sure, in a day or two, all will be normal.

Traveling sick is no fun.

I already have 2 invitations to go out tonight. I think I will stay home and vegetate.

I picked up the guitar a few moments ago. Man, am I rusty. I haven't played in almost 3 weeks. My hand feels good but my fingers won't do what I want them to. What do I expect, huh?

Even though the travel was difficult, things went very well. All my flights were on time, all my luggage made it home, all my rides were there and I was able to find a taxi to hail at 5:30 this morning, not an easy trick in Panama City. Couldn't have asked for a better trip logistically.

Ahhh...it is good to be home.

Now I just need to get well.

Bitter Sweet US Trip

Getting seriously sick for the better part of the trip was a definite bummer. But it did point out something that wasn't very personal for me in the past.

I have always had health insurance. Not now. At least in the US. We do have insurance in Panama.

So if Yella or I were to get hospitalized, we would go bankrupt. One little stay and procedure in a hospital now runs in the $100,000's.

That is a huge deterrent to returning to the US. I don't want to risk our small nest egg for a visit under that potential disaster.

So returning to the US will be rare.

That is too bad because I have many wonderful friends and family in the States.

All of that is depressing.

And it makes feeling warm and fuzzy about the US difficult.

Just to give you a frame of reference, major open heart surgery in Panama would run between 20 and 30 thousand dollars. Not cheap but not a disaster either. Of course this would cost well over a half a million in the US.

I really didn't want to get off on a dissertation on the health care industry in American but I now find that it dictates our relationship to the US more than anything else.

Shit!

I loved seeing my friends and family. That was the great part of the trip.

I won't get to see them much in the future and that sucks.

How can one industry control so much of life? It doesn't seem fair.

Ya, I know, life isn't fair.

Thanks to all my friends and family for a heartwarming, loving visit...in spite of the health stuff.

A Much Needed Blog

I need to write a blog but sure don't want too.

As soon as my feet hit US soil, I started to feel bad, physically sick. This progressed into one of the worse illnesses I have had in my life. I was locked in the motel room for 6 days, no sleep, no food, no joy.

A strange thing has hit me over this mess. My emotions have been raw and on my sleeve.

I was so bored, and sick and tire of being sick and tire, that I watched The X Factor, for gods sake!

The last contestant of the first night of The X Factor was a kid 70 days out of rehab. He had the glow of joy of the newly sober...a deeply moving though fragile and tenuous state.

He launched into a hip hop song that he wrote. It was so humble, authentic and exuberantly joyful that tears were streaming down my cheeks. The judges were beside themselves with appreciation. This was a truly magical event. I wish this kid well.

I have to confess that the next night I watched, gasp, Charlie's Angels. Take it from me, even if you are bored spit-less, it's not worth it.

The little time that I have been able to get out, I have been re-connecing with my old friends, some of them going back 30 years. Each meeting was heartfelt and inspirational. I love my friends. And, absence does make the heart fonder.

Yella had an accident at the storage shed and tore her leg open to the bone. It has required daily treatment for a week. Needless to say, she is not getting much done either.

We are one worthless pair.

It is almost like the universe is telling us we don't belong here anymore. I long for home.

I am used to a proud, cocky US and I return to find a subdued, confused one. So many homeless wandering around the streets. So many people worried and baffled. Most people won't even talk politics...it is simply so ridiculous and bazar that it isn't worth it.

This is going to sound strange and may offend some people, but the level of wealth, even in such a severe recession, is beyond most countries in the world. Believe me, I am not ignoring all the hardship but I offer this perspective.

The US is one wealthy nation compared to the rest of the world.

Well, this has been a disjointed blog for sure. Let's blame it on illness, OK?

Back in the USA

It's starting day two in the US.

Arrived to a rain storm of legendary magnitude for Colorado...over 4 inches of rain the evening we arrived. In Panama during the rainy season, we get 4 inches most days. But, this is Colorado, a high desert, so the rain was needed and caused problems.

It is also cold by our standards with a high of 53 degrees yesterday. Feels like the holidays to me.

I just looked out the window at the incredible view of Pikes Peak covered with snow! We couldn't see this yesterday because of the low hanging clouds and rain. What a view! I do love Colorado in the summer. The rest of the year sucks and I mean sucks...cold and grey for 8 months...blah.

What's my impression of the the US after being gone for 2 years?

The roads are as wide as football fields and COMPLEX. I have to re-learn how to navigate the proper lanes to get where I'm going. Very confusing, and the traffic is FAST!

So many businesses, mainly the mom and pop variety, are no longer in business. Every time I try to meet someone at an old coffee shop or restaurant, I arrive to a closed business.

That is sad.

And the tension!

I forgot how fast I lived when I was here. It's kind of like sticking your fingers into an electric socket...a constant buzz.

Some of the old twitches and tension mannerisms have returned already. I have a sore neck from tensing it.

I had no idea how much the pace of life in Colorado impacted me. I don't care for it anymore.

The best part is seeing friends and family.

We got to meet our week old granddaughter, hang out with our daughter and her husband, and I've visited with a friend. These old relationships are steep in history and warmth.

Plus, we went shopping. So much we can't get in Panama or it is too expensive to ship it to Panama. We have saved up to buy this stuff.

When driving through Colorado Springs, I notice how much land is dedicated to shopping. Huge, vast tracks of land for miles and miles dedicated to big box stores, the same ones in the same groups occur every couple of miles.

How in the hell do they stay in business?

I'm getting ready for todays adventure so adios.

Rhythms of Life

Friday night I attended a show at our local theater.

This show was produced and directed by a friend of ours. It was a variety show with one act plays, monologues, skits and a few songs.

Overall, it was enjoyable. The house was sold out and the audience loved it. Gave them a standing ovation at the end.

Yella was in one of the one act plays and sang a song. She did great!

As I was sitting in the audience, I was thinking about the need in our community for live entertainment. We don't have a movie theater, TV is limited, the local DVD rental shop is sparse.

It feels like we have been thrown back to a time before all that.

Plus, the kids wear uniforms to school, the dogs run free...no lease laws here...people walk everywhere.

You know, I don't miss all the "modern" stuff. Sitting in a theater with more than a hundred people, actively participating in a presentation, chatting with friends before, during the intermission and after, seems so much more vital than new things.

Last night we went to Las Ruinas to eat and listen to our local jazz band. They were amazing. It blows me away to have this caliber of music in the jungle.

All this was on Friday and Saturday night.

This brings me to my blog point.

It is difficult to know what day of the week it is here. The old rhythms of life are gone.

No more getting up and going to work 5 days a week. No more holidays...at least US holidays.

Granted, we still have to have one eye on the days of the week because life still revolves around the day of the week...what is open, when to bank, when to shop.

But...

If you ask me what day of the week it is, I have to pull out my cell phone and check.

Sometimes, this is disorienting.

Sometimes, it seems so natural.

Learning Spanish

When I first got here, I asked each gringo if they spoke Spanish and how did they learn it. All except a couple of people told me they tried, went to school for 60 to 120 to 180 hours and just couldn't get it.

I judged them severely. How could they insult this country by not learning the language.

Then I tried to learn Spanish. I now have well over 100 hours of schooling. And I am a poor Spanish speaker. And frustrated with it too. And feeling like a failure.

Yesterday, I went for a walk. On the way home, a Spanish man was walking with me. We had a conversation for about 10 minutes.

I was flabbergasted!

I understood about half of it...enough to communicate. And I heard him and responded.

Wow, where did that come from?

As it turns out, there are four distinct things to learn in a language...all very different.

You speak, of course. You listen. Very, very different activities.

When you speak, you can take the time to formulate your sentences. When you listen, it comes at you with speed, allowing no time to think.

As it turns out, for me, reading is the easy part. About 30% of the words are similar in spelling to English. The pronunciation is VERY different so hearing it takes all new learning but reading is easier.

Then there is writing...I'm not even approaching this yet.

Oh so slowly, I am learning this language.

After reviewing my learning experiences, I am going back to Rosetta Stone.

For raw communication, vocabulary is most important and Rosetta Stone is the best way for me to learn vocabulary.

You see, if you know the words, and your grammar is really bad, they still can understand you. But if you have great grammar and don't know any words, there is no communication.

The schools focus on grammar. About 90% of the time is spent conjugating verbs. In Spanish, a very complicated endeavor. I left the last 60 hours of school more confused and less able to speak then when I started the 60 hours.

I'm going to focus on vocabulary now.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Getting Old

Retiring in Panama is an adventure in re-inventing yourself.

As you know, I got into acting in theater a couple of years ago. That came out of left field because I have never had any interest in acting, especially in the dreaded community theater arena. I avoided it with a passion when I was in Colorado.

But I did it.

How? They couldn't find anyone else to take the part.

Then I decided to become a lead guitar player and enter the dubious world of Rock n' Roll screaming guitarist.

If anything is worth doing, it is worth over doing. So I practiced and rehearsed too much for this time of my life.

Enter now...old age.

My left hand...the one that frets the guitar...has developed major problems with tendinitis and every other -itises.

This is disappointing because music is a passion for me where as theater is not.

I am going to have to quit my second band, I've already stopped my guitar lessons and I have minimized my practice for the first band.

All in an effort to rejuvenate my hand.

I hope it works! I love to play guitar and rock n' roll.

Why did I have the abundant opportunity to play in 2 bands? They couldn't find anyone else to do it.

The point of this blog is more about the nature of retirement than the specific activities I've been involved in.

Retiring in an exotic place has afforded me opportunities that I don't think would be available in the States.

Not many bands would let me play with them because my skills are too weak. No theater would even consider me because they have plenty of aspiring thespians in the US.

I recommend finding a place that has a shortage of skilled people to draw from for retirement. There will be more opportunities to try new things.

Via la Panama!