Panama Stories

The electricity went out at 10:30 Sunday night.

We filed a report Monday morning, then had a Panamanian friend call Union Fenosa every 2 hours to jack them up to get it fixed. Tuesday morning, still no power.

Our friend called and they said they tried to fix it Monday night but they couldn't find our house...it was too dark.

Now wait a minute. Don't they know it is going to be dark given that the power is out?

Tuesday morning our friend called again and they filed a second report. Standard procedure. They have to fix a problem in 24 hours so if they don't get it done, they cancel the first work order and pull a second one...with a new 24 hour time commitment.

Tricky. Do they really believe this shit flies?

When our friend called again, she laid the "Panama" story on them. This is standard procedure for anything. She made up some convoluted, crazy story about a sick old woman who had to have medical things run by power at our house. Blah blah blah.

It must have worked because they fixed the power by noon.

The on going saga in the Broadway Review of the curtain puller issue has been a devil of a problem to fix. So we had "curtain pulling" practice to start the rehearsal last night. For pity sake, curtain puller practice.

It didn't help one bit. We still end up with half the curtain open and half closed after each act.

We ran into a new problem.

The duet I'm in is terrible, as you well know. It is absolutely critical to get it started right so the piano player lays out the notes of the first chord, then plays the cord 4 times and we start. All this is so we can start on the right and same note.

When the song started last night, it was a wall of weird, deviate sound. It took us a full verse to find the right notes. Torture!

The power goes out here frequently for very short periods of time. This RESETS the piano. Thus ruining all the key change settings and tone settings.

Almost a disaster. You have to be prepared for anything in Panama!

15 Inches of Rain Yesterday

Hard to believe...15 inches of rain in a couple of hours yesterday.

There was water everywhere. All my drainage improvements were overflowing. Not too much damage on our property. We are lucky.

It's official. I am really a stage hand in the Broadway Review. Not something I relish. It is just hard, back breaking work. I am back to sweating profusely during the play, just like El Grande de Coca Cola, only that was from the acting.

It is hard to wear a cowboy hat that doesn't fit for the next scene and shlep around heavy staging.

I have a grand total of 3 minutes 15 seconds on stage for a 90 minute play. All that rehearsing for a paltry couple of minutes...and the worse act in the play to boot.

So, really I am a stage hand who gets out on stage for a few minutes between the heavy lifting.

If I had only known...

There is an interesting twist to this production.

New curtains have been installed on the front of the stage. To open and close the curtains, something that happens for each act, a person on each side of the stage has to pull the curtain rope. They ran out of money for the more expensive single pull curtains.

Problem, one guy has some intelligence and the other one is brain dead so one curtain opens quickly and the other one s-l-o-w-l-y, oh so slowly.

This curtain puller is a little twit, with an attitude. He gets shitty when they ask him to open the damn curtain quickly. He throws a little snit fit, full of gay attitude, that only a nelly guy can do.

To make matters worse, he is a drunk. What's the probability that we won't have a curtain pulling incident in the play?

You can't make this stuff up. It has to happen in real life.

Army Ants

I walked into our bedroom yesterday and army ants were swarming into the room through the open back door. This phenomena is well known here.

The ants come by the millions in a long, wide column. They enter the house, eat everything available including ALL other insects, and they leave.

It takes a few hours. Some say, leave the house and come back when they are gone. Others say, open the other door and let them through.

We put down some dastardly compound in front of the door, swept the ants out the door and they went on their way.

The rehearsals for the Broadway Review are in the final week, meaning every day. I have seen some of the acts and they are going to be good, some spectacular. Mine, of course, will be marginal.

That chafes a little. Oh well, you can't win them all.

What has struck me is how orderly the stage show looks from the audience and how chaotic, messing and cramped it is behind the scenes.

There is almost no room behind the curtains and what little room there is, is full of crap...sets, signs, people waiting to get on, a band, stage managers and assistants.

You, of course, see none of this from the audience.

We tried to run Act 2 on Tuesday with full sets and it was so bad we quit. We couldn't get through it.

So we met today to clear out behind the stage. All the previous play sets were jammed back stage, like any of this crap is worth saving. We piled it all out back to make room for our crap. That took a couple of hours.

We also went through the set changes. You see, the stage hands are US! They didn't tell me that earlier, I just found out Tuesday.

By us I mean the men in the play. So you get to do your thing on stage and then you get to shlep the set around for the other scenes.

We did make some headway. And we will re-do Act 2 this afternoon. We will see if anything got straightened out.

Start Building the Ark

14 inches of rain today in about 3 hours. Even for the tropics, that's a lot!

I drove through town at the height of the storm and the streets had several inches of water on them. I'm sure there will be damage in the morning.

Here is a link to some pics. Copy the link and paste it in your browser.

http://picasaweb.google.com/markopanama/BoqueteFloodOf82210?authkey=Gv1sRgCKu_ldO02Y--Fg#

Grand Gala Party Magnifique

We went to a party last night with an after party until 1 am. Now another party. Oh boy...

This party was held in a villa in Valle Escondido, a place we call Disneyland because it is a gated community that is like Europe...somehow avoiding the 3rd World nature of Panama. The muckety-mucks live here. The house, excuse me, villa was a Tuscany mansion. Beautiful, elegant and made for entertaining.

As we pulled up, they had valet parking with 3 attendants. I have wondered what it would be like to go to a Hollywood or New York gala event with limos and valet parking. This was as close to it as I'm going to get.

We entered a party of about 200 strong. Platers of exotic sweets were on all the end tables. Waiters were circulating with platers of morsels. One particularly tasty morsel was on individual ceramic spoons with a sizzling scallop in a unique ginger sauce. Too cool! Waiters were also carrying trays of drinks around.

The dining table was set with the most amazing array roasted peppers, cold asparagus spears, roasted pork, rare beef and who knows what else. There was a built in bar in the living room 15 feet long, dominating one entire wall. This place was made for major entertaining.

The chef was Charlie Collins from the Panamonte. The Panamonte Hotel is the grand dame of Boquete owned by the Collins family. The matriarch is in her 90's, sharp as a tack and still ruling the enterprise. Her late husband was responsible for bring Geisha coffee plants to Pananama. This has become the best coffee in the world. One of her sons is Charlie Collins who became a master chef with European training. The food was extraordinary!

The guests were from the A plus list of who's who in Boquete, a group that we don't normally get to mix with. We knew maybe 1 in 5 people. This was the money-prestige crowd.

As the liquor flowed, the party got louder and louder. Remember, all homes have concrete walls and tile floors so sound bangs around freely.

They had a piano player who was enthusiastic. Then someone put a microphone in the piano and amplified it. Then, all these classy, elegant people started to dance and sing at the top of their lungs. Showing once again that foolishness transcends all socio-economic classes.

It became deafening.

I found myself screaming at a friend to try to converse. Impossible.

After a couple of hours, I grabbed Yella and fled the noise.

I am now home. In peace and quiet. Thank God!

I am glad I got to go to a party of this stature but I am so grateful to be home in peace and quiet. How much rich food and wealthy, drunken noise can one take?

Stupid Drunk

We were driving a friend home from a delightful party at about 9:30 pm when we saw a car off the road, high centered on a sidewalk. The driver was standing by the car, bobbing and weaving in place, looking pathetic...in the rain.

Drunk...knee walking, commode hugging, moose calling drunk.

Stupid drunk.

I haven't been around that in a while. I took Yella and our friend to her home and I returned to help out.

I carried his wife to my truck...she couldn't walk on her own. My big worry was whether she would puke in my car.

A farmer stopped with a truck. He had a tow cable so we pulled him out onto the road only to find out he had shelled out the transmission trying to get out unstuck and the car wouldn't move...so we pushed the car back into the ditch to get it off the road.

That was time well spent.

Then the police showed up. They pulled out a breath tester and asked him to blow in it...he refused. Uh oh!!!

I took the wife home. It took her 6 tries to find her house, we were within a couple of blocks. That 's how drunk she was. Then it took her 15 minutes to find her keys...the wrong keys. Then she went around the side of the house to pee and she returned with out her pants on...not a pretty sight, I assure you.

I sat her down on the porch and rushed back to the husband hoping he would still be there with the cops. He was and he had the keys. He also had a Spanish speaking friend with him who was working on the cops hard and heavy, trying to bribe, lie or anything else to avoid him going to jail.

Back to the house, got the door open, shoved the wife in only to have her close the electric gate on my car. Luckily, no damage.

As I was pulling out onto the road, a car approached with the husband and a friend. He had managed to avoid jail but they took his car and license.

All this took 90 minutes, full of mind numbing, s-l-o-w stupidity. Everything took 10 times as long because they just couldn't think or put 2 and 2 together.

I got back to our friends house at 11:00 pm.

I was left with overwhelming sadness. These are good people when sober. Friends. Reduced to a level of stupidity that is unimaginable. Very sad.

But I had to help...that was me 28 years ago.

Tech Rehearsal for the Broadway Review

I've got to admit, it is pretty exciting to see various acts under the lights with sound.

The first tech rehearsal, where the lighting and sound is added, was yesterday. Each act went all the way through their song, then the beginning and end of the song was repeated a few times, while the sound and lighting techs adjusted, tweaked and added their magic.

In addition, the full band was on stage. We had not heard the band yet, only the piano player. The band is good.

New lighting cans have been added to the light system plus more speakers for the audience and, for the first time, monitor speakers for the stage. All very up town. Plus, they have wireless lavaliere and head-boom mics for some of the performers.

I have not seen many of the acts so this was my introduction to the show. There is some dynamite stuff.

10 and 12 year old sisters are singing a song from The Phantom of the Opera. They have classically trained voices which fit the music perfectly. They are jaw dropping good.

Yella has directed a group of kids to sing "Just one Person" from Snoopy. This is a tear-jerker and show stopped...very cute and good.

Several of our friends, who actually have great voices, Yella included of course, are singing and dancing up a storm on their numbers.

All in all, I would say 6 to 8 stellar production numbers with impressive singing and dancing. Very professional with the lighting and sound. I have to admit, much, much better than I thought.

Then there is my number with the lady who can't sing.

God, it was tragic. Mercifully, we do not use microphones. Why amplify a horrid singer.

I knew this would happen. It was predictable.

Every time something new is added, it is more and more difficult to perform, if you are shaky.

First you start in the living room singing. Then you sing in front of someone, like the director. Then with the piano. Then with other singers. Then on stage for rehearsal, then the band and sound is added.

At each step, disorientation and fog descends on you. You think, "why couldn't I do it this time when I was doing it before?" Because a new element is added and it is difficult to step up into the new condition.

Well, my duet partner never got the notes to begin with so this time...with sound, many people around, and the band...it was a disaster. She ran off the stage vowing not perform the song. You could hear a pin drop after the song...no one clapped or even moved...it was so bad. Then, after everyone realized how weird no applause was, they gave a smattering of clapping. Ugh!!

I have no idea where she is on this now. The director said, "well I have a train wreck to fix this weekend."

Really??? Wasn't anyone listening to me before?

.

The producer told me I was a "good sport" after the performance, for doing this with someone that couldn't sing. She obviously hasn't heard about my pissy attitude through out the rehearsals!

I feel for the lady. Who wants to be put in the position to fail in public? I think everyone telling her she was doing good was a disservice to her, misleading her about her ability. Maybe if they would have told her the truth, she could have bowed out earlier and it wouldn't be so traumatic.

We shall see.

I do not look forward to being in the only number that is bad. And, just for the record, I am not a good sport. I'm resentful as hell about it.

The Fence Saga Continues

We have admitted defeat with the electric fence.

The dog was getting through the fence 9 times out of 10 so she was baffled and confused when she got shocked. The usefulness of the fence is destroyed by inconsistency, so the dog is going crazy trying to figure it out and is now afraid to go outside.

Round One to the dog.

We are now going out for bids on a standard Panamanian fence. The fence uses a footing with a couple of courses of concrete block and a chain link fence over the block. We may or may not put an electric wire on top of the fence.

The fence is not only for the dog. It is for security against theft too. Otherwise, we wouldn't build the fence. The fence will go around the house for about a 120 x 30 area, not the entire lot which would require 10 times this amount of fence.

I am waiting on the bids to see if we can afford it.

The Broadway Review saga also continues. Or as I call it, Cluster F$#@$# in Boquete.

Now the lady singing the duet with me won't talk to me.

That makes for an enjoyable time rehearsing...NOT.

Everything was going as well as could be expected at the last rehearsal, until the final 20 seconds. I mean, give me a break, we were almost done. When she started saying that I didn't think the song was any good. Then she unleashed a stream of insults.

I simply left without saying a word. Anything I would've said at that point would have escalated the issue.

And I was starting to think that the song was going to work...not be good but passable. Her acting was getting strong enough to blow through her lack of singing.

Just when you think it will be alright, it goes to hell! Must be my karma. All the evil thoughts I had for the preceding rehearsals.

This has been a party week with 2 more parties this weekend. All in all, a good week.

Yella's Birthday Party

I got up this morning to low clouds, which somehow had a promise of sunshine in them. And sure enough, as I was riding my bicycle into town, the sun came out...this is a thrill in the rainy season!

Breakfast at Olga's with a couple of friends, a short bike ride to Dorado Park Cafe where a plethora of gringos were hanging out, more bullshitting, then on to the gym for a workout. Then a 40 minute ride home.

Whew!!! A great morning...friends, food and exercise...not much beats that! Oh, and sunshine to boot.

Last night we invited 8 people over for dinner to celebrate Yella's birthday. These are our Primo, best friends in Boquete.

In preparation for the party, I went to David with a Spanish speaking friend. I was grilling fish so we headed out to the port of Pedregal, south of David, about 10 minutes from the airport. This little fishing village is quite impressive. We found 3 fresh fish markets and I'm sure there are more.

We learned that Friday is a bad day to buy fish. No fish left. This is a Catholic country and they eat fish on Friday.

No tuna, my favorite...no corvina. But they did have Maro, whatever that is, for $2 a pound for fillets. We passed. Too bad, I should have bought some.

We went into David to Super Baru, a major supermarket. They didn't have tuna or corvina either but they had Maro...for $4 a pound.

Ah, live and learn.

I found out that Maro is grouper.

We shopped at all the local markets for vegetables before we went to Super Baru. The city market, the biggest one, and several road side stands. This takes more time but what fun!

At the party, we roasted vegetables in the oven, Yella made a rice pilaf with peas and butter, and I grilled the fish with ginger, a little garlic and coriander.

I should have bought more fish! It was gone in a flash. I almost didn't get any of it. It was so good!! Indescribable, actually. Maro...I won't pass that up in the future...what an amazing fish. It is firmer than corvina (sea bass) but softer than red snapper. Perfect for grilling. It holds together while cooking but falls apart on your fork.

Wow! Dinner was great!.

We had a rip snorting good time with so many laughs. And the best part, en mass, at 9 pm, everyone got up and left, giving us time to clean up and be in bed by 10.

God, are we getting old or what!

More on the Murder

I just learned that the 5th assailant was caught yesterday. One was from Boquete and four were from David. All with long criminal records.

Maybe we will get the story about the "how and why" later but this makes little sense.

Murder Update

The police are on this murder really fast!

Unusual for here because the cops don't make much money and they are poorly equipped.

But this time, things are moving fast.

5 men drove directly to the long driveway of the victim's house, then walked down the driveway. They entered the house through an open door. There was a struggle, then they tied the victim up, he was alone in the house, then killed him by hitting over the head with a lamp. They stole his car and drove to David.

The police set up a road block in Dolega, a few miles down the road to David but were too late. A short while later they found the car in David.

4 of the 5 men were apprehended. They are looking for the 5th man.

The police found over 300 marijuana plants on the victim's property.

This was not a random house theft. This was a specific action against a drug grower and dealer.

Still, it is a tragedy. And a stiff warning to those involved in illegal activities, as in any country.

Murder in Alto Boquete

We found out this morning that a gringo was shot execution style in the back of his head in his home last evening.

There is very little violent crime in Panama outside of Panama City, where crime is typical of any large city. But in our small berg, murder is rare.

Every now and then, a gringo gets killed. Most of the time, there is a reason for it.

All of the past murders have been over a dispute with a Panamanian about money. Panamanians are very passive and express anger infrequently.

But, if pushed to far, they will retaliate.

Word on the street is that this victim was a bad guy, probably dealing hard drugs, like cocaine. He has a bad reputation. Given that it was an execution style murder, this makes sense.

They stole his car and it was recovered in David, a city 20 miles down the road.

We should know more about the details later.

Petty crime is rampant in Boquete. Theft being the big one.

To live here, you have to develop a theft consciousness. Or, you will get ripped off.

Anytime the culture is poor and there is a big disparity in income, theft is present.

This is the case in Panama.

A typical man makes about $400 a month. A typical gringo will spend $400 a week, if not more.

A typical man has no car. All gringos have a car.

All this visible prosperity sets up fertile ground for stealing.

And, most Panamanians are honest, in spite of the difference in prosperity. This in itself is amazing.

This is why we have a dog and we are thinking about building a fence. All for security against petty theft.

Just one of the costs of living in a country with a much lower cost of living.

We still think it is worth it.

This and That

You may be wondering how the Broadway Review is coming along.

I have renamed it The Cluster F#$#@ in Boquete so you can imagine how it's going.

The director made some changes to accommodate the lead singer not being able to sing. Her verses are now sung be everyone at the same time, like we are now a chorus, except I still sing my parts.

I know, this is ridiculous. So now, we all sing "Anything you can do I can do better" and I answer (that is, answering myself, if you are paying attention), "no you can't".

Are you confused? So am I.

Remember the older couple who couldn't stand through the 3 minute song? They are now sitting a bales of hay at the back of the stage doing...well, I have no idea what they are doing. I guess they are simply being in the show.

I was talking to a few friends at breakfast the other day and one of them said, "think of it as performing in a Nursing Home with the activity director trying to get everyone involved."

Great...the old folks home show it is then.

On to the saga of the damn dog...

The dog is routinely getting through the electric fence. She simply runs through it. She is faster than the pulses of electricity and rarely gets shocked.

I don't even think she thinks twice before doing it.

I just got an estimate for a yet another fix to the tune of $150. I am having trouble with spending more money when I think she will find different ways to beat the fence after the fix.

Too bad, I really like the dog but I suspect she is on borrowed time staying here.

The Wicked Witch from the West

Every once in a while...every long once in a while...a person shows up in town that reactivates everyone. People hate this person on sight...before conversation, before any interaction. Simply a visceral, cellular, whole body reaction.

I know I didn't like her on sight.

You know the type. They recite their resume to you EVERY TIME they see you. "I did this and I did that and I was the best at this and I was famous for this and on and on."

EVERY TIME they see you.

Unfortunately, she was in the arts. She sang on a cruise ship for 14 years as the star, of course. She was in over 50 plays. She directed, coached, titillated or whatever all these famous people.

Oh ya, then how come everyone hates you, you bitch!

She saw me in my last play and told me she was teaching acting lessons and I could use some. Uh? How about "hello" or "nice to meet you". Then she proceeded to try to talk me into it a half a dozen times over the next 3 days. Every time I saw her, I yelled NOOOOO, before she could open her mouth. This did not stop her.

She committed a major mistake in my last play when one of the actresses ask her for some coaching during the play. (I know, the actress should be shot for asking!) No one gives direction to actors in the middle of a play unless it is coordinated with the actual director.

The actress showed up the next night, completely changed her character, without anyone knowing it, all were thrown off and baffled at what happened, the director was apoplectic about it.

That fanned the flames for these issues with this person.

And it has gotten worse with time.

She wormed her way into the executive directing group for the Broadway Review and, after 6 weeks of rehearsals, she shows up and changes EVERYTHING...comedies to drama, throws out all the previous direction and walks over all people with lead soled boots. One lady ran off stage crying and quit on the spot.

It got so bad last night that an 80 year old, sickly woman, said to me, "some one's going to kick her ass!"

Now that is bad when a half blind, totally deaf, old woman chimed in!

I am left contemplating how anyone could alienate a community so thoroughly in a few weeks.

Amazing!

I am watching her, studying, observing because I know there is something powerful, though misdirected, in her.

I don't know how long she will make it before someone "kicks her ass!"