Blindsided by Yearning for the Past

Yesterday morning, while opening the medicine cabinet, getting my electric shaver, I was overwhelmed with a desire for the comfortable past.  I noticed that I hadn't unpacked the plastic holder for the shaver and that triggered a strong memory with a pervasive sense of loss for a life well set up and predictable...in the past...in Colorado.

This memory lead to all the other things in my recent past that are now missing.  All the comforts of home, knowing all the places to get things, knowing how to either do things or find someone to do them, all the certainty of living in a first world nation for 60 years, having a job and not being retired...knowing who I am, and most of all, being able to GET SOMETHING DONE!  I miss being effective the most.  I had no idea I would miss this.

Intellectually, I know that I left all that behind because I wanted a change and a challenge.  Boy, did I get it.  I guess I could have done it more gradually.

The day I retired, I left work and did not return to the home I left in the morning...it was gone, packed away that day and shipped to Panama.  I don't recommend retiring and dramatically altering life on the same day.  

I went to my daughter's house into the reality of living with a 18 month old grandson and being  relegated to a small bedroom shared with all the belongings of her 7 year old step-daughter who was now living with her birth mom.   This was 2 days before Christmas.  Katey tried hard to make it a normal Christmas and for that I am grateful, and she shared her home with grace and eloquence.  No complaints, just disorientation.  But Yella and I didn't even exchange gifts...something we had done every year for 36 years...no room in our suitcases for gifts.  

All in all, very unsettling.

I have been so preoccupied in Panama for the last 3 months, that I haven't stopped and let in the magnitude of what we have done.

And, there is no turning back.

Even if we return to the USA, everything will be different.  The die is cast.  No more comfortable, routine, predictable life.  (At least until we create another one)

This retirement thing is harder to deal with than I expected.  I am constantly trying to figure out what to do.  That's not to say that I don't have days that are full and satisfying but there are a good number of days that are fairly empty.  And, Yella and I are trying to find an equilibrium in being together much, much more than before.  All disorienting and confusing.

Yella is used to having the house to herself.  She works from home as well as living in the home.  I am an intrusion into that personal domain.  I have started being out of the house for a good part of the day.  And, I like that, so I'm not complaining.  I just didn't think to do it.  Go figure.

It is the simple things that trip me up.

OK, I am now finished feeling sorry for myself.  After all, I do live in paradise.  But even paradise requires some getting used to!

Here is some of the up side to being in Panama.  (This is what I tell myself when I doubt the prudence of moving here)

I paid my electric bill for February...$14.02.  My gas bill for hot water and the stove was $5.43.  My car insurance for the YEAR is $167.00...and the list goes on and on.

Well, that's it for the reflective blog.  I'll try to return to humor for the next one.

  

Random Thoughts

You are asking yourself why would you ever read someone else's random thoughts.  After all, you have enough of them yourself.

Think of this as tickling your funny bone or advancing your adult education.

I was watching the news this morning.  We get Sky TV, a satellite TV service that is theoretically "English" speaking.  About 10 of the channels are in English and 300 channels are in Spanish. These channels frequently are a collection of American TV all funnelled into one channel, the best one called The American Network.  

News is a little bit dicey to get.  The American Network has NBC news but at odd hours like 9 am so it is hard to be available when the network news comes on.  Most of the news we watch is on CNN World news, which leads me to my belabored point.

We are significantly more aware of the world here.  Most of CNN World News is produced out of England.  The coverage focuses on the world with programs that address Africa or Japan, etc.

I now realise that my world awareness was sheltered when we lived in Colorado.  We not only get news and information about the world, but also the reaction of the world to the US.  This is not about trashing the US.  The world reactions are informative and interesting rather than judgemental.  It expands my awareness and gives me a richer perspective about the US.

This is an aspect of Panama that I really like, even though we are lacking in the normal US TV, which may be a good thing.

Now some more quirks about Panama.

I was drinking coffee at Amigos, the gringo watering hole.  We were laughing about the atrocious service at this place and most of the Boquete restaurants.  It is so bad, we like to sit and watch the tourist sit down, wait, wait some more, start to get agitated, bitch among themselves as if they will actually eventually get any service at all.  We know better and get up and order at the counter but watching the tourist can be fun.

Yes, I know, we have too much time on our hands.

Before I tell you about it, I want to mention that a couple of establishments in Boquete have world class service.  But, a lass, most service is lacking.

If you sit down at Amigos, you may get waited on or maybe not.  It might happen quickly (rarely) or it might take 30 minutes.  If you want to pay, you have to track someone down.  

My friend ordered coffee the other day and it came in a dirty cup, filled with cold, day old coffee.  Mmmm...delicious.  The next day, he was served an EMPTY cup with nothing in it.   How does that happen?  Panama!

Panamanians do not have the organization thing down.  Most food arrives at the table helter skelter.  If you get your meal, you start eating.  No one objects because you don't know when the rest of the food will come.  Frequently, you get your meal before the salad.  Just the way it goes.

These idiosyncrasies either drive you out of the country or you find them endearing.  This country has a lot to teach us type A, driven people.  Simply going to a restaurant will start your deprogramming along the path of a type B life!

Paradise found!

We drove over to Almirante to catch a water taxi to Bocas del Toro to meet up with our son Daniel and friends.  Bocas is on an island in the Carribean over the continental divide from Boquete.

This is a 3 hour drive but, of course, this is Panama.  We get stopped on top of the continental divide because the rains the previous night caused a slope failure and dumped tons of rock and soil over the road.  They were dozing dirt off the road to create a temporary lane so traffic could move.  About a 30 minute delay...not bad really.

When we entered Almirante, normally there are all kinds of people waving you over for parking and other sundry saleable things.  We sailed right through because we have a "Panamanian" car and they didn't recognize us.  We ended up on the dock and had to back pedal to find parking for the water taxi.

All else when smooth and we arrived in Bocas in the early afternoon.

Ahhh....Bocas.  This is a wonderful town if you like Carribean culture, young pack packers, boats  (because you go everywhere in boats, not cars), palm trees, snorkeling and beaches.

My kind of place.

Surprisingly, the temperature varied from cool to hot and muggy.  I didn't think Bocas could get cool but the evenings with a breeze are wonderful and cool.

This is beach and water country.  Many buildings area constructed out over the water so you sit and eat or drink out over the ocean.  A very pleasant way to spend time.  Boats are buzzing in the background continuously.  

The pictures above are a small sampling of images from Bocas.  I tried to capture the feel of the place with the pics.  The tree with thin, vertical roots  is a Walking Tree.  It is capable of moving several inches a year. There is much exotic plant, fish and wildlife in Bocas.

We left Bocas on a water taxi to Almirante and, lo and behold, our car was still there.  We had an uneventful, translate good, trip home to Boquete.

More contractor stuff...

I called our builder last Friday and asked him if he scheduled the electrician to complete the electrical.  He responded, "What a good questions.  I forgot."  You may recall how critical this is to getting our house completed and the jerk forgets.

Will this never end!  We are now into the arena of incompetence on top of the Panamanian culture.  I am very frustrated.

When the tough get going, the tough go to Bocas.

2 Out Of 3 Is Not Bad

I called our builder this morning and HE ANSWERED HIS PHONE!

There must be some mistake.  Maybe he got confused and thought I was someone else.  Maybe it was a reflex action and he regretted it immediately.  Maybe he hiccuped and accidentally hit the phone, knocking it up to his ear.  Maybe he actually wanted to talk to us...no, that's not it.

The jerk would walk 100 miles without shoes to avoid us.  He would sacrifice his first born to avoid us.  He would start a revolution with Costa Rica, for God's sake, before he would talk to us.  He would...well you get the picture.

Anyway, he said he was going to do (the key here is "going to do" rather that saying "is doing") three things:  take the door frames to the house, deliver the cabinets for the 2 bathrooms to the house and use the retro (backhoe) to finish the job he started 6 WEEKS AGO, not that I'm pissed about it or anything.

Yella and I got a good laugh about what he is "going to do."  And, of course, we expected none of it to be done.  After all, he tells us all the time he is "going to do" something and it never gets done.

He uses another phrase which we notice many English speaking Panamanians use: "in this moment. " I suspect this is a direct translation from Spanish.  Roughly, and I mean roughly, meaning just about anything from now to next year.  Another friend of ours who has been here a long time explained that "now" in Latin countries doesn't mean now like in the US.  Now is, of course, RIGHT now in the US.  In Latin countries it is about like "in this moment."  Just a cultural difference designed to terrorize type "A" Americans!  Successfully I might add.

So, with no expectation but a lot of hope, I go to our house this afternoon.

Walla, you could have knocked me over with a straw.  

The retro was working and had been working all day.  The door frames, or at least half of them, were in the house.  But alas, a triple hitter was avoided when the bathroom cabinets were not their.

To prove it, I have included some photos.

This retro thing is critical.  The retro has to remove the tree stump so we can install the electric line to the house so we can get the Bomberos to inspect the electrical so we can submit for electricity at the Devil's Den, Union Fenosa.

And then, with any luck, we can get electricity in the next 6 to 9 months.

This little piece of work accomplished has thrilled me.  So now you know to what pathetic depths I have fallen.  

As an aside, the weather has been glorious.  Light breeze, sweet and moist air, vistas forever, and good friends over breakfast.  Great days!

And added to this, a modicum of progress on the house.

Ya!

First Spanish Lesson

I find it harder to write a blog on good days.  Good is just not that interesting.  Unfortunately, bad days are more entertaining.  So be it!

This will be a good/bad day blog and, therefore, half assed.

This morning was gorgeous.  Light breeze, sunshine, birds, grand vistas.  What a morning.

Unfortunately, Yella was struggling.  Our Internet provider was slow, slower, slowest.  So slow that the Internet phone was garbled and unusable.  This makes life very difficult for Yella.   She works over the Internet and has trouble maintaining good service with a bad Internet connection.  Plus, she is on many phone calls that are mandatory and this was just not working.

That is the nature of Panama...sometimes it just crushes you and it is hard to regain your balance.  It was Yella's turn in the barrel.

In the midst of this, we traveled to our first Spanish lesson.  Things start out dicey.  Three of us were to start at the beginning and somehow it expanded to five.

The lady running the school said that we would have to either split up or go to longer lessons because five is too much.  This fired up our 5th person, a lady, who locked horns with the school and things got pissy, awkward and uncomfortable.  

We start the lesson with four paying and one observing which was the pissy lady because she was not going to commit.  More awkwardness.  Now the teacher didn't know how to interact with her.  Some people are a round peg in a square hole.  I thought we were going to have to shoot her and put her out of our misery.

After a few minutes she left, thank God for small favors (so we didn't have to shoot her--too bad, it would have been gratifying) and then things progressed nicely.

After the lesson, life started to improve.  The Internet connection gained some speed and, therefore, reliability making life easier for Yella.

I got in a 2 hour walk that was perfect.

After dinner, we watched a movie, making it a good night.

Panama giveth and Panama taketh away.  That is the up and down of it.

A Perfect Day at the Beach

 I have wanted to go to the beach since I arrived in early January.  First, I put it off until Yella arrived and then it got delayed for this and that, really no good reason.

We owed a trip to a couple who are friends of ours so I suggested the beach.  They had taken us to a remarkable resort in Caldera, 15 miles south.  This resort  is completely off the grid utilizing massive solar, hydro and diesel power.  It was interesting and we had a great lunch.

So, I wanted to introduce them to something special.

We have other friends who have a beach house at Las Lahas.  Try saying that three times fast.  

This beach is one of the premier beaches on the Pacific in Panama and maybe Central America.  It is a white sand beach, with a wide, gentle slope that exposes at least 100 meters of beach at low tide.  The waves are gentle and safe.  This is a major consideration because so many of the beaches are dangerous with powerful undertows.

If you doubt me, talk to a friend of ours who almost drowned in Costa Rica.  Her swimming partner did die on that beach.  So beaches and the associated dangers are not to be taken lightly.

But not to worry, Las Lahas is a safe, fun beach.  And, our friends with the beach house invited us to play on the beach at their house.  These are the neatest people!  They have invited us many times, even early on when they didn't hardly know us.

We have tried to enjoy public beaches here but it is tuff.  Panamanians litter.  Their culture excludes any sense of public cleanliness.  The litter can be so intense that the beaches look like the dump.

We have been discouraged going to the beach before because of the litter.  So, having a private residence at the beach is great and makes the experience so much more fun.

So off we went and it was a fun day in the sun.  Sun, a gentle sea breeze, good company, good food and relaxation under the palms.  Ahhhhh......!!!!!!!

I must digress and talk about getting out of the house before we went to the beach.

Yella was in the shower and I heard much cussing.  I immediately knew that the hot water had run out, giving her an icy shower.

Not good.

I ran outside to change over to a fresh bottle of gas for the hot water heater and, remember, it's Panama, so of coursed the damn pilot light wouldn 't ignite.

Grrrr...

I try for 10 minutes, a long time when someone is wet waiting on hot water.

I run over to the house we used to rent across the street and swapped bottles, thinking the valve on my bottle was bad. No luck.

So I give up and call the landlord.  He arrives about 20 minutes later and gives me a couple of tips which don't work.

He looks down and says, you didn't flip on the valve.

Boy, the learning curve is steep here.  This valve is almost invisible.  There is no way you would ever know it was there unless someone showed you, as he did.

Then, the pilot light came right on.

I am amazed at what I have to learn to do the simplest things!

Craftmanship

Somehow, we corralled our builder.  He apparently missed a beat and tripped over his feet in the Great Panamanian Avoidance Dance and we caught up to him.

We looked at the progress of our doors and cabinets in his wood shop on his property.  I included some photos above.

This is old style craftsmanship.  The wood comes as raw, dried blocks of wood.  All the pieces are cut from these blocks, planed and sanded, then assembled.  This wood is cedar.

I included pictures of the frame for one of the bathroom cabinets, some door frames, Yella studying a cabinet and the shop.

I thought you might enjoy seeing this.

Big Panamanian Hurdle Surpassed!

We did it!

We now have Panamanian drivers licenses.  What a bitch to get!

I have talked about pieces of the process but not all of it, so I will summarize now.

Both of us travel by air to PC; go to the US Embassy to get our US drivers licenses authenticated; on to the Department of Exterior Affairs for stamps (remember, they love stamps); then to Nacional Bank for more stamps; then  back to the Department of Exterior Affairs for even more stamps; get a blood test; go to David for an eye test, hearing test and finally after  paying $40 each and much checking of all the stamps, we get the license.

All in all, about $600 total and 3 days of our lives for the licenses.  And I thought the Colorado Department of Motor Vehicles was bad.  Not even close.

But we got them!  It's over!  Ya!

Most Expats say that this is the biggest hurdle in relocating to Panama.  

Now, for some more builder nonsense.

I have been calling our builder 2 to 3 times a day all week with out any success.  Today, I think I am calling a friend and dial his number by accident...and he answers.  I am shocked and without words for a while.  Is this some spiritual principle, you can only get what you DON'T want?  Is this the universe telling me I can only talk to my builder when I don't want to talk to him.  Or, is this some reverse psychology cheaply employed to disguise his Panamanian Avoidance Dance? 

We arrange to meet later today.

I call him a the prescribed time, and, of course, no answer.

No problem, I go over to his house.  All his vehicles are there. His ranch hand says he is home. But, he will not answer his door after I beat on it for quite a while.

Such is life in Panama.  Our builder has taken the Great Panamanian Avoidance Dance to higher and higher levels.  

What next?  

Settling into Panama

We have finally shucked the ugly mantel of expectations and started our lives here in Panama.

No more waiting on a builder.  No more hoping things will be different than they are.  No more I thought it would go this way and it's not.

Just a big dose of reality and that's the way it is.

The last 2 days have been good.  Palm trees, breezes, sunshine and rainbows.

Yella auditioned for a 50's musical and got a singing and acting part.  She  is obviously comfortable with singing but the acting is going to stretch her.  She got the part for the all American cheer leader, blond girl.  Ha, Ha, Ha!  This is as against the grain to Yella's personality as it gets.  I can't wait to see this!  So, she has play rehearsals now...something to schedule around and work to do with memorizing lines, etc.  I love to watch Yella work!

She also spent the day in David with a couple of girlfriends and had a great time while learning some of the tricks to finding things here.  

Why do I report this miniscule stuff?  Well, that is the fabric of a retired life.  Read on...

I had a great day yesterday...a true Panama, retired day.

I started by walking down into town.  I met a friend as he was getting into his car.  We talked for a while and were joined by another friend.  So we yucked it up for almost a hour in the parking area.  Then, alone came another friend and we went to Boquete's best and cheapest breakfast place and eat and continue with the yucking it up and meet some new tourist types.

I walk back home which is a good 45 minute workout up hill, some serious up hill.  Make and eat lunch and then read.

Followed by a 2 hour nap.

Perfect.

We then get in the car and go visit a friend that Yella has not scene since she returned in early February.  More yucking it up and catching up on gossip.

Just a note about gossip.  Shame on you, you say, for listening to gossip.  Get a grip!  What else do you think people do down here.  We talk about each other.  That's what small towns are all about.

We return home for dinner, TV, more reading and bed.

A fantastic Panama day!

A little blip on the serenity radar screen.  I had to get a blood test to identify blood type for the drivers license.  I hate needles.  I hate needles.  I hate needles.  So, you get it, I hate needles.

Well, the results came back and Yella says, that's not your blood type.  I freak.  Now I don't know what to do because I don't want to get another blood test to make sure they didn't misplace my blood and report someone else's blood on my report.

But, this is important because it will go on my drivers license and if I ever get in an accident and need blood, I don't want the wrong blood.

But, I hate needles.  So going back for another test terrifies me.  Hell, I was proud that I went for the first one.

So, back I go and get another test. GRRRRrrrrrrr!!!!!!  And, lo and behold, they were right the first time, so I got another test for no reason.  GRRRRrrrrr!!!!!!!! I hate needles.

However, it is done and I REALLY know my blood type now.  You will enjoy this.  It's B Positive.

Sounds like some new age mantra.  And, after all, I am Mr. Sunshine just like my "Be Positive" blood type.

OK, you can stop puking now.

In the Belly of the Beast

Union Fenosa...the Beast.

This pseudo government entity--half private enterprise, half government--is the sole provider of power in Panama. 

We have received NO information, reliable or fairy tale, about the time required to install electricity to our house.  So I decided to take matters into my own hands. 

Never a good idea.

My landlord has been building in Boquete for 9 years and offered to take me to the beast to try and get some straight answers.  Stop laughing.  It's not funny.  At least I am trying.

As you enter the building, a small area is occupied by a lone gate keeper.  The doors is electronically locked to the rest of the building.  Clearly, they have had their share of irate people who have tried to storm the premises and gone Postal.  

You must have a name and an iron clad reason to request entry.  A phone call and verification is performed.  We wait.

Soon, the triple lock system is release and we are escorted back to the woman we are seeing.  There is no way I could have gotten into this building without my landlord.  This is a well guarded place.

This woman is another of those helpful Panamanians who really wants to provide something.  She gives us information that is totally confusing.  Finally, we are escorted to another area.

This gentlemen, not quite as nice but helpful, examines the documents that I have.  He frowns and shakes his head.  Mutters and twitches.

Soon the first lady returns, and a lengthy discuss enfolds, all in Spanish, so I get a loose translation of what is going on.

As it turns out, the process for getting electricity is a torturous one.  Miraculously, my plans are in order and the next step can be accomplished, but what a next step!

Now all I need to GET THE PROCESS STARTED...not accomplished, not moving, certainly not completed...just started, is:

Fully complete ALL the electric in the house,

Get an inspection by the fire chief.

Get my attorney to write a letter saying I am authorized to do this,

Copies of my passport, her passport, the corp documents and tax ID's,

Two copies of all plans,

Submit all this to another person in another building...

Whew!  And then, they will CONSIDER starting the process to install the electricity to my house.  No one is even venturing a time line after the process is started.

But, they are not doing any installations now because they have NO poles and wire.  That's right, they are completely out of all necessary materials.  And, they are seriously backed up on new installations.  What are they doing then?  I don't know.  I dare not ask.

But, not to worry, the material should be here soon.

Ya, right.

I'm not sure if I was better off not knowing any of this.  

I have been in the belly of beast.  Don't go.  It's not pretty.

You Can Run But You Can't Hide

This is a small town...and some times it works to your advantage.

If you remember, the last blog noted that our builder was doing the Panamanian Avoidance Dance.  We were trying to get the necessary documentation to get the electricity process going.  And, he was not returning calls.

As we were driving home last evening, their goes our builder, in his pickup truck, toeing a trailer with his horse.  

Now, Panamanians are ALWAYS polite so he had to stop and say hi, because, after all, to ignore us would not be polite.

Ha!

The first thing out of his mouth was, "I have all your papers and I will call you tomorrow morning (Sunday) (like that would ever happen!) and you can pick them up.  You will notice that he was guilty about it.  This is a Catholic country after all.

So, today when Sunday morning is almost over, there is no call.  

No problem...we go over to his house.  This used to bother me because it is intrusive in the US to do this.  But here, it is accepted.

And, lo and behold, we get the actual, original, signed, stamped by all entities, plans for our house.  I have been trying to get a copy of these plans since September.

It's like winning the lotto...well, almost anyway.

Then, we head back to the house to eat lunch because we are going to our storage unit to retrieve some goodies and then to David, the big city, to buy groceries.  On the way we got delayed.

It is hard to imagine ALL the ways you can get delayed in Panama.  Don't try, you will hurt yourself.

Above is a picture of one of them.  A drum core sponsored by the Bomberos, the fire department, is having a little parade.  Of course, they barricade the street at the ONLY bridge across the river, successfully stopping all traffic.

They love this stuff, the parades, the infinite opportunities to delay everyone.  We did think that it was charming.  Well, after I accepted the delay, it was charming.

I'm still working on this stuff.