Jazz!

The Boquete International Jazz Festival started Thursday night. This is a big name for a not-so-big event but big enough.

We didn't make it Thursday night and, from what we heard, missed a great band.

We did go Friday night and it was impressive.

John Day's band from Canada via North Carolina was the headliner. We know his brother, a neighbor in Panama. The brother is the best musician in Chiriqui and told us John Day was light years better than him...he was right!

I am mystified how anyone gets as good as these guys get.

The drummer, who looked over 50, never played the same drum lick twice...that's somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 different licks. Not only prolific in creativity but ROCK SOLID on the groove!

The guitar player was so advanced, I only recognized about 2 of chords he played all night. He played straight ahead jazz style guitar. The last song was a 12 bar blues number and he deftly switched to blues guitar, a completely different way of playing and fingering the fret board. I am sure that if they broke out in hard rock, he would have been right there too!

The truly inspiring thing was the "groove" they laid down. Tight, succinct, compelling and clean clean clean!

Then, the melody or improvisation was laid on top of that. WOW! Stunning!

Now on to Saturday night.

Remember...Panama giveth and taketh away.

The advertised headliner was a young English guy who sang old standards like Frank Sinatra or Tony Benet.

But a lass, no English guy.

As is the way of festivals, because they are low paying gigs, he canceled. The replacement act should have been restricted to playing for tips in the park.

We left after 2 songs. Big disappointment.

More free jazz in the park today but I am stuck at home while Yella is singing at a memorial service for her friends.

Now for the play...

We did a complete run through yesterday...no lines provided if they were forgotten...and of course, lines were forgotten.

I must say it went well. I would have bet against this a week ago.

I forgot about 4 of my standard "I-always-forget-these-lines" lines but somehow we recovered. And, I was able to help my fellow actors get through a couple of their babbles...that felt good.

Today we "actors" have the day off. That means only about 3 or 4 hours of reading lines without the director around.

The tech team is setting up the lights, sound and staging today. This includes Yella who is running the lights.

We aren't sure how that happened. She was supposed to put together the music...a big job because each scene (13 of them) breaks with music and/or sound effects. How this morphed into doing the lights, we are not sure!

She is not happy about working until 10 or 11 tonight.

I can't believe how much work goes into one of these plays!

All in all, about 25 people. 6 actors, director, assistant director, producer, stage manager, 2 stage boys, costume prep, lighting tech, sound tech, 2 stage hands and 6 line readers.

I am passed my anger at doing all the work that I loath, memorizing. I memorized a staggering 90 minutes of material. I REALLY don't want to do that again!

Now, they will get what they get. All the prep is done, we're in the final hours.

I am grateful for all my training in the past...leading seminars, speaking, personal growth work and playing live music. At least I have been on stage before. A couple of the actors have not. They are massively freaked out now. My hat is off to them.

Only 2 more rehearsals left...dress rehearsals. Then the show must go on!

I hope I don't F$#$@!!! it up.

The One Car Blues

One of the reasons we relocated to Panama was to save money and live much cheaper. Part of that is having only one car.

This was not a problem when we lived close to town. I could walk and Yella could have the car.

Now we live in the boondocks and life has gotten busy. This makes for a scheduling mess around the car. Fortunately, friends are helpful giving us rides or letting us hang out until a ride is available.

Yella has taken on the music and lights for the play. This makes the last few days until the play a nightmare of activity.

Plus, an improv performance at happy hour today.

And the Boquete International Jazz Festival starts tonight. We have tickets for both nights. Great talent coming in for this.

Yella is off getting the gardener and plants as I write. You may be thinking, "You have a gardener...how posh!"

No. Survival.

Things grow here, you see. Very fast. It would be a full time job trying to keep up with it.

We are in the final week of rehearsals for the play. I know about 90% of the lines. Hurry up you say. I'm trying. I'm trying.

It is insanely busy in this last week. And the stress has ratched up another couple of clicks.

I got to go...I need to study lines, the ones I always mess up...and the ones I get wrong,,,and the blocking I forget...it goes on and on...

But, it is fun!

New Gringo Meeting Place

A few weeks ago Culturas opened, a restaurant and bar with the emphasis on bar.

The lady who opened it, started Amigos 4 or 5 years ago, then sold it to the present owner last year.

As soon as she opened the new bar, gringos started showing up. I am a little mystified, because when she owned Amigos, she was a real bitch. I went in once and it was so bad, I refused to go back. I can't imagine that anyone would want to go to her new place.

But, it is now full.

I stopped by yesterday afternoon. I had time because I left early for rehearsal because Yella had a meeting at our house.

I was amazed at at how many people were there. I knew about half of them.

It has the same bad service as Amigo's but the coffee is considerably better. I will admit that the owner is more genial this time around.

But how long will it last?

Several people wanted to know where I have been. So I rolled out the "I'm in a play" story a few times. It doesn't hurt...drumming up business for the play.

Speaking of the play, believe it or not, I have memorized all the lines. Not well, mind you. I still can't cough them up on demand when we rehearse, but it is a start.

A good thing...we open in a week.

Shit!

I better get back to work...pounding those lines into what's left of my brain.

The Worm Turns

We went to see Doubt last night. This play was presented by a second theater group in town. It was held in the new theater which holds 112 people. Great facility! (Not the one we will be using)

What was interesting were the reactions to the play by Yella, myself and others.

I thought it was great! Yes, me, the one who hates community theater. Over the years, you couldn't get me to go to a play.

There were parts of the second act that were riveting! And this is a SERIOUS play...heavy drama. Hard to pull off.

Yella thought is was"OK." In the past, Yella has loved plays.

What? I liked it and she was lukewarm!

I guess the worm has turned.

I was impressed by all the lines they memorized...and delivered. I was impressed that they knew where to walk, sit, gesture and move on stage. And, each of the 4 actors at least had the basic attitude of the character. Good enough!

So to get another opinion, I called a friend who is one of better actresses in town and a director to boot. She thought is was "amateurish."

What?

Then I asked a fellow actress in my play. Same thing.

HHMMM!!!!

What's happened to me? The judgmental one!

I think my play has beat me silly and permanently destroyed my discerning nature. Hopefully, it will return. I would hate to think about living life with out my judgments.

Don't worry! I'm sure all will return to normal AFTER I FINISH WITH THIS LIVING HELL CALLED ACTING!

After all, I only spent 5 hours memorizing lines today...my day off.

You have to be seriously committed and passionate about acting to do this shit.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

I better write a blog...a couple of friends have started to chide me about my poor attitude in the blog comments.

I haven't been writing as much this month because I'm consumed with the play, leaving little to no time for anything else.

You will be happy to hear that there is a very dim light at the end of the tunnel. Emphasize on dim.

We read (practiced) lines yesterday from 11 am to 6 pm. A couple of people stopped by to read along and check the lines through out the day. Mucho gracias for their help!

Progress was made...not perfection, oh no, but some progress. We can get through Act One now. I still have to call for a line about every 6 to 10 lines. And there are some lines that no matter what, I can't remember (I wonder what that is about?).

I have warned the cast that they will have to bridge these gaps to help me out.

It looks like the play may go on now. (I was the only one doubting this)

It is also safe to say that I won't be doing this again. Maybe a small part in another play but never again a major part.

Unless, of course, Hollywood discovers me.

I know. Won't happen. Not in this life time or the next one.

I will be happy to simply not embarrass myself.

Well, this is taking up precious memorizing and practice time.

You, dear reader, have become the ugly step child of my attention.

I'm the Village Idiot

It is hard to write a blog entry the last few weeks without mentioning the play.. All I am doing is rehearsing, memorizing, eating and sleeping.

No time for anything else.

Monday night I hit the wall. The task of memorizing was just too daunting and impossible.

So I called up the director and quit.

He laughed and said, "be over at my house tomorrow morning and I will teach you how to learn lines."

So much for quitting!

I worked with him for 2 hours. And, he did show me a few things that will help a little, but it is still a shit load of work...work that I don't enjoy and I am stuck with now.

He did show me that people in the verbal arts LOVE WORDS! He pointed out all these clever little things about how cute or ingenious the author wrote a line in the play. "See, every phrase starts with a "S", or this is iambic pentameter..." Who gives a shit? Really.

This is the problem. I am memorizing words, just words. Not clever words, or inspiring words, or intelligent words.

Just F$#@#$!!! words. Not wonder I have problems.

I had an English teacher as a sophomore in college who taught drama and poetry. He told me I was so bad at the literary arts that I deserved an "F" because I have NO talent, but he would give me a "C" because I worked hard.

So all the fancy word stuff goes over my head. No real help.

It is simply back to the impossibly hard task of memorizing all this crap.

Shit! I am not happy.

And you are now tired of hearing it from me. Sorry. It is either write about this or not write at all for the next 3 weeks.

Now, what's really embarrassing me is that many of my friends are experiencing financial disaster and incredible hardship. And, I'm bitching about the terrible time I'm having doing a play.

A PLAY!

Pretend! Fairyland! Make Believe!

I need to get a grip.

The Tango

Busy day, Saturday.

I drove to David early to pick up my bicycle...I really miss it when I can't ride. I made it through Dolega before Carnival starting winding up for the day. This is a real mess when in full swing! The party will end Tuesday night. Major holiday in Panama.

Then back home to practice lines for the play, then play practice.

Yella picked me up after play practice to move on to the next rehearsal...for the Valentines Day Dinner Dance tonight.

Whoa!

Then we ate out and returned to the party to play music.

When we walked in, about 50 people were eating. Our friend was playing light piano music and a hot, fragrant dinner was being served and eaten.

There was a happy murmur of talking and laughing. It looked like they were having a great time.

When desert was served, we started our music. We were asked to play 4 songs but we knew more would be requested. And indeed we ended up playing 7 songs.

They loved it. These are generous audiences.

A band started playing dance music after dinner and the party was on.

Now to the Tango.

Every 2 months or so, touring professional Tango dancers are in town, generally from Argentina.

This is something to see, for sure!

They performed 3 dances. Ram rod straight backs, feet and legs everywhere, full stops with no movement followed by rapid foot work and lifts, heavy on the romance.

Amazing dancing! Very dramatic. Everyone loved it.

I mentioned to one of the paying customers that this was a hell of a party for $20 a head. He laughed and said he had paid $150 a ticket for cold food and cheap champagne in California.

Happy Hour and dinner with background music, a little show after dinner, dance and Tango demonstration...that's a lot of party!

This is one social place. And this was only one of several dinner dances Saturday night.

Fear & Lothing In Paradise

Mainly fear...

I figured it out. I have memorized, not well either, only 20% of the lines for our play. I have had 2 and half weeks to do it. There are 3 weeks left to opening night.

You do the math.

I'm so screwed!!!!

That leaves about 100 pages of lines to pound into my head.

Anyone making bets yet? How many points do I get?

Yella tells me that the director is amazing in how he lets the characters develop slowly over 6 weeks of rehearsal. He doesn't expect them to be there right away, perfect.

His process is so simple. Yet, in the past, it has worked so well.

He puts in a little more input on how to do things each rehearsal. Not too much, just enough to continuously shape our performances.

I see the development in the other actors. One lady in particular is starting to act in a powerful, funny,compelling way. I am impressed!

So the process can work.

But will it work for me?

It is hard for me to see how this is all going to come together.

Today, I have worked for over 2 hours and it is not 10:30 yet. I will put in another 2 hours before rehearsal and another 2 hours in rehearsal, then another 2 hours after dinner.

Am I completely consumed or what?

This better be worth it.

Are you tired of hearing about it? Tough! I'm sure more is to come.

Bad Start to the Day

I got up and started memorizing lines for the play. This is my life now...memorized, memorize, memorize. I hate it!

After an hour of that, I was fried.

So, on to trying to adjust the brakes on my bike. They are 4 weeks old and the back brake is useless. Too many steep hills here.

I try to adjust them, only to find out no more brake pad left.

Damn! This replaces my non existent second car. No bike, no going into workout and breakfast in the morning, unless I get lucky. Shit!!!

Then the dog steals my Allen wrench, the one I had to send off to the US for.

So I do the adult thing and throw my bike down.

By a stroke of luck, I have the car this morning, so I drive to town to meet friends and they don't show up.

It is better to stay in bed some mornings.

No computer, with taxes coming up...no pass words to my Internet accounts for tax forms...no spreadsheet files of expenses. All locked away on my dead computer.

I believe I'm screwed.

No time to travel to Panama City to buy a computer.

I'm double screwed.

Where of where is the light at the end of this tunnel?

Panama Giveth & Taketh Away

Things have been going pretty well for a while...we were getting lulled to sleep thinking this is the way it is around here.

We hosted a Superbowl party last night. We had 14 people over for dinner, snacks and the football game. Watching on our super duper new satellite TV, the model that is better than almost anyone has in Boquete.

All arrived, ate and were impressed with my Black Bean Middle Eastern Chili. The game was on, the commercials were hilarious and...

At the beginning of the 2nd quarter, the power went to brown out.

No more TV!

We shut down all electronic equipment...the water pump, the frig, computers and the TV of course.

Our friends waited 10 minutes, then split to find another TV to watch the game on.

A few loyal, non football friends stuck around and kept us company. We did appreciated that.

I went to fire up the generator. When I found the 220V power chord to hook the generator up to the house system, one end didn't have the special 4-pronged pull...only bare wires.

Grrr!!!!

I am so tired of Panamanian workers that F#$#@!!! me over every time I turn around. They used the power chord to hook up a welder and didn't wire the plug back. And, I have no idea how to wire the plug...so no temporary power.

The power was restored to normal at 9:45, about 10 minutes after the game ended.

What a disappointment. Our first big party and it was a bust.

This is the Land of Unfulfilled Expectations. We just forgot.

Anxiety

I am waking up at night with anxiety over being able to remember...hell, just learn...all my lines for the play.

I am studying for 2 to 3 hours a day and rehearsing 4 times a week, next week going to every day.

It is safe to say that I won't criticize future plays, even if they are awful. Just being able to do the mechanics...knowing the lines, where to move and where to look, what to hold, when to sit, stand, walk, etc...is a feat in itself! Not to mention the courage to get up there.

I had no idea!

I am in a constant state of confrontation, anxiety, stupidity, embarrassment...

I didn't jump into this willingly. It happened little by little.

I wasn't going to audition but the director called and asked me. I auditioned for a small role, to get my feet wet. Then, the guy he offered the lead part to, refused it (this is a long story in itself) so I got the part by default.

You have to careful what you get close too...it might bite you.

At times, I am behaving badly. I tend to go into overwhelm, which I express as anger and resentment, especially when the only one around is Yella. She is taking the brunt of it.

Of this, I am not proud.

Today, I have to have a scene completely memorized. This is an interesting thing. I will know it at home but in front of people, that's a different thing entirely.

On the other hand, I am having fun...so much fun!!!

Hanging out with energetic, humorous, enthusiastic people is a hoot. The flubs are hilarious! We spend much time in belly laughs.

On to another topic...

I slammed my finger in a door on Wednesday. The tip of my left, index finger. The one I use the most playing guitar.

I have a rehearsal on Tuesday and a show to play next Saturday night. I am worried.

It is a deep wound, still draining. But, it is getting less tender. I can't play yet but I am hoping.

Life sure can be a confront!

Adds a little hot sauce to the meal!

Odds & Ends

Oh, about the drunk lady on Sunday...

She emailed Yella thanking her for a good time with no mention of the events. Fortunately, one of her best friends later told her what happened.

She had no memory of it. She was in a blackout.

Once she knew, she was mortified and called Yella to tearfully apologize and offer to fix all broken.

We are meeting her for lunch tomorrow to introduce her to Bill W. We are happy to sacrifice a lamp, table and tile for her health.

On another note, I was in Super Baru, one of the big supermarkets in David. I purchased 5 items and was prowling the checkout lines for the shortest one, jumping back and forth behind the lines.

A Panamanian lady motions me in front of her, she had about 15 items. Really not much more than I had, yet she lets me in front of her.

I was moved by this act of kindness because she could tell that another crazy gringo was impatient and needed some help.

As I left, I said, "Que tenga un buen dia." (Have a nice day) She was delighted that I spoke to her in spanish and responded with "Equalmente." (and you too)

This happens more often than not. Panamanians are kind people. They will help out at the drop of a hat. I was thrilled with her smile and pleasure at my Spanish response.

We had a music rehearsal yesterday afternoon with a piano player, another lady singer and us. Plus, for the first time, a bass player who is an extraordinary musician, far better than anyone else in town!

I was so intimidated that I played with 2 left hands. I couldn't hit a string to save my soul!

I was embarrassed because I wanted to do good.

No one did well.

This reminds me of how well prepared you have to be to preform live. Live performance demands seamless preparation, over preparation, being able to do it in your sleep!

This applies to theater as well as music.

How often have I known a song or had a line down cold "in my bedroom" only to mess it up at rehearsal with other people or in front of an audience.

This is the thrill and challenge of LIVE performance. It is risky for sure!

Of the joys????