Anxiety

I am waking up at night with anxiety over being able to remember...hell, just learn...all my lines for the play.

I am studying for 2 to 3 hours a day and rehearsing 4 times a week, next week going to every day.

It is safe to say that I won't criticize future plays, even if they are awful. Just being able to do the mechanics...knowing the lines, where to move and where to look, what to hold, when to sit, stand, walk, etc...is a feat in itself! Not to mention the courage to get up there.

I had no idea!

I am in a constant state of confrontation, anxiety, stupidity, embarrassment...

I didn't jump into this willingly. It happened little by little.

I wasn't going to audition but the director called and asked me. I auditioned for a small role, to get my feet wet. Then, the guy he offered the lead part to, refused it (this is a long story in itself) so I got the part by default.

You have to careful what you get close too...it might bite you.

At times, I am behaving badly. I tend to go into overwhelm, which I express as anger and resentment, especially when the only one around is Yella. She is taking the brunt of it.

Of this, I am not proud.

Today, I have to have a scene completely memorized. This is an interesting thing. I will know it at home but in front of people, that's a different thing entirely.

On the other hand, I am having fun...so much fun!!!

Hanging out with energetic, humorous, enthusiastic people is a hoot. The flubs are hilarious! We spend much time in belly laughs.

On to another topic...

I slammed my finger in a door on Wednesday. The tip of my left, index finger. The one I use the most playing guitar.

I have a rehearsal on Tuesday and a show to play next Saturday night. I am worried.

It is a deep wound, still draining. But, it is getting less tender. I can't play yet but I am hoping.

Life sure can be a confront!

Adds a little hot sauce to the meal!