I think it started on Thanksgiving which got abbreviated because Yella played music at a restaurant in the afternoon and evening. We had to leave the party at 2 PM. I spend most of the day watching football, not all that bad, but it's not hanging out with great friends either.
Last year we had simply the greatest Thanksgiving Day celebration with our best friends in Panama. I guess I thought it would go on forever, celebrating with these folks.
But it didn't. 3 out of the 5 couples did other things. I resent them for splitting up our wonderful annual party.
Life goes on...but I don't have to like it!
Then several of our good friends have simply disappeared over the last 10 days. I have made phone calls and left messages with absolutely NO ONE calling me back. Damn!
A little side bar...
People treat cell phones (The only type most of us use.) differently in Boquete. Most people never get their voice mail set up...you have to go to your provided and have them do it for you. Most people don't look at their missed calls either. And most of them don't answer the damn thing anyway.
I do get a case of the ass about the inaccessibility of people sometimes.
All in all, I think I am feeling lonely and ignored.
Wonder what I did to create this.
While I'm on a bitch, here's another.
When someone has an issue or complaint with me, I look for some area of responsibility in the matter so I can do my part in amending the problem, keep my side of the street clean so that the relationship can recover.
I have noticed that most people don't reciprocate. What the hell! Do they think I'm solely responsible for their damn upset? I think not. They have some responsibility in the matter too. It's about time that they pony up.
Why do I have to be the one that makes amends? It's about time someone else helps too.
Oh my, that wasn't pretty.
As I said, I'm feeling a little blue...and mean...and evil to boot.
I'm also feeling left out in the music arena. Yella is playing with the Day Brothers Saturday night. They are doing Motown music! Damn! And I don't get to play. I am not good enough to play with these folks.
But I want too...
Well, I hope this downer blog helps me recover some equilibrium.
Or maybe I have to sit in this and stew in it.
(Note: I re-read this today, Friday, and I was going to pull it off the blog because it was all bitching. But I didn't because I am committed to representing my time here authentically and this is what came up. The good, bad and THE UGLY! Just so you know...I'm back! Feeling good, connected and satisfied. )
3 comments:
Yeah, Tom. don't change the honest blogs - ugly or not. as long as we demand that someone clean up their side, too, we still have cleaning to do - of only our own stuff. we are not responsible for anyone's upset but our own, but for that, we are totally, completely, and absolutely responsible. now excuse me while I go puke! I hate it, but it's true of m.. m... m... me, too. Love Your blogs. lately, You been running with Jesus, and you LIKE that. it's this Judas shit we choke on! always is. only the preference gets us. I just spent 3 hours fixing my frigging i-phone contacts book, so I am kinda like your friends, for a while - just want away from this thing....
Love You, Darshan
I knew when I wrote the piece in the blog about other people cleaning up their mess that your comment would be as you said it. Actually, I know it too! But in the moment, I wanted to bitch. Thanks for getting it...thanks for the truth...thanks for being disgusted with your own wisdom!!! One of the wonderful things about you is that you don't try to fix me. Almost anyone else would have tried to fix it. I'll get around to cleaning it up at some point. Either that, I'll get the shit beat out of me until I do.
By the way, I liked your pajamas on Facebook. In a small town, you'll fit right in!
Love you,
Tom
never known anyone who needed less fixing than You, Tom. You can always be Counted On to take the Loving Path. ...and no-one who has been so willing to either come close, or cover my back, when I am throwing myself into the helicopter blades of Honest introspection... Love You, Tom. Darshan
(and don't say anything back, I'm close enough to puking as it is...)
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