One Step Forward, Two Steps Backward

At 10 am this morning, I loaded up a translator and headed to David to enter the Belly of Beast, Union Fenosa, and try to get a contract started for my electric.

I was not optimistic but you have to start somewhere.

A word about translators.  There are a few Panamanian women who are not only translators but, how do I put it, are also expediters...otherwise known as jackhammers, pile drivers, ramrods, C4 explosives.  They are extremely effective at bullying Panamanian bureaucrats into action.  Well, not action by our standards, but they get minor visible evidence of some kind of progress, if you view it from a very relaxed, deep Zen state.

I called several of the them and tried to elicit their help, for money of course, but lo and behold, none were available.  You see, they don't need to work anymore because they are attractive, young women who meet old, old, even older than you are thinking, old gringo men who they are willing to love until the money runs out or they die.  And, they don't need to work anymore because sugar daddy is footing the bill.  

I have started to poison all old gringo men (only those 80 and up) to get them out of the way so the rest of us can get on with life and have the expediters back!

Damn!  I really needed some help.

Well, I hired the next best thing, a very young Panamanian woman to translate.  And, she worked out really well.

We entered the building and after a short wait met with a cleric.  She tried to turn us away to get more stuff but my very young expediter actually talked her into proceeding and at least getting a contract started.

I couldn't believe it!  This is not possible.  To try to get something done and get it done. Noooo!  The world must be coming to an end.  

So armed with a fresh contract to start the process, we left.  

Oh, by the way, you will enjoy this.  The clerk told me, "this will be a really slow process."  No shit!  I would have never guessed.  Not here.

People from other Latin countries think it is slow here.  T-h-i-s  i-s  a  r-e-a-l-l-y  s-l-o-w  c-o-u-n-t-y.  You know it is really slow because you say everything VERY LOUD AND SLOWLY.  This clearly doesn't work but it is just natural.

I should be elated but I am not.  I don't know how but I know something will come up to STOP EVERYTHING FROM MOVING FORWARD!!!

I was not disappointed.

At 4:45 pm on Friday afternoon (this is a first, someone actually working after lunch on Friday)

Union Fenosa called to say something was missing.  Just a small thing, the Occupancy Permit!  

Shit...  You have to be canonized a saint to get one of those.  

Let's look on the bright side...they actually called and let us know something was missing.  I was shocked.  But then again, they probably are laughing at their clever little fly in the ointment.

Will this never end?